Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Republican Convention DAY 2

Hit Refresh to get live updates while the convention airs.

Roll call of the states, Bush has 1,445 delegate votes, he is now the official nominee for President... OH BOY !!!

no named musical cover band ,doing the O'jays "September". I think for like 10 bucks they could have gotten the real O'jays but that’s me.

Republicans have no rhythm.

Chinese guy with big elephant ears cracks me up, he is macking on some chubby delegate, oh boy he is gonna get some.

Video presentation, Voice over from Laura Bush... George likes people, no he realy likes people.. He REALY likes people, just look at him liking them people over there.

Elizabeth Dole is the first speaker, she looks exhausted, guess Bobby been hitting that Viagra extra hard this week, (Hey, When In Rome)

G.W has brought respect to the White House, no blow jobs from Interns here, No stories about semen stained dresses and Cigars.

The GOP is rooted in grand tradition... yada... Regan reference, we beat the Ruskies.

George freed the women of Iraq and Afghanistan.

She breaks out into a Whitney Houston song;
We believe the children are our future, we believe..

Now the Marriage thing, you know Sacred, man, woman, sanctity..
Wait wasn't Brittney Spears married for like 20 minutes, and what about Michael Jackson.. where is the sanctity in that.

More God stuff, money, church, words...
Republicans feed the hungry, and help people who lost their beachfront homes in natural disasters.

She is coming across a little more right than last night a little more hard core, a little less rock and roll.

Up next Kentucky Congresswoman Anne Northup.

More family stuff, don't abort.. adopt.. even if its you're own cousin you are bedding down, you know cause that’s legal in Kentucky I think.

More Videos George likes not only people, he likes the children.
Something about an adoption tax break, woman cries, "My womb is barren."
they adopted a Guatemalan kid, I guess cause they didn't want one of them dark ones we have here in America.

Oh yeah.. Bush is breaking out the Puerto Ricans, Bourquia !!! Us spics are gonna rule this world soon you just watch.

John Quinones introduces George P. Bush.. HUH???
WHAT? Nephew of President Bush. I guess Jeb is slamming the Latin hotties in Florida.

Talks about the, "No Child left behind" law.
It works like this... Um.. well.. if you have a child, they won't be left behind.

A little Voodoo economics talk, trickle down, if the man has the money, then we all have the money. Homeboy learned economics 101, good for him.

He ends with some secret Spanish code talk. Loose translation, "Whitey is fucked, never mind learning the Koran, you fuckers better learn how to read El Diario.

Singer Dana Glover belts out God Bless America and her new hit "Rain". I don't know who she is, but someone must. Kind of reminds me of Sara Mclaughlin without the, I don't shave my armpits or muff vibe.

Erika Harold Miss American 2003, I don't care what she has to say, just smile and look stupid honey. I am going to watch Amazing Race, fuck her.

It's Christopher Reeves... No sorry It's Stephen McDonald. For the people that don't know, back in the 80's when NYC was going to shit and the Schwoogs had carte blanche to terrorize. Stephen was a rookie cop who was shot above the vest by a young black perp, paralyzed from the neck down he was an inspiration to New Yorkers, because it was him that helped us get rid of then Mayor David Dinkins and helped elect Rudy.

He gave New Yorkers the courage to say, hey, not all darkies are bad, but some of them are fucking criminals and its THEM that we have to go after.

NYPD started the Zero tolerance initiative, the broken window theory. They made the streets safer, New York a better place, I am sorry it took a tragedy, but his strength was amazing.

The man is talking about just being alive, he fucking rocks, I bow down to him.
I SALUTE YOU, I SALUTE YOU.

Senator Sam Browback from Kansas, more sanctity talk, I am going to watch the beginning of Big Brother I have set up on TIVO


Musical guest - Jackie Velasquez, I told you we are fucking taking over this whole shit, salsa, salsa... I’m doing the shaking the bootie dance... sorry you are all missing it.

Is anyone watching Big Brother 5, doesn't Adria have the biggest ass for a white chick you have ever seen, speaking of bootie dances.

I don't speak Spanish I do not know what she is singing, but if I had to guess its something about love, 'amore' means love and she has been singing it throughout the song. It's either love or fucking like crazy, all hot and sweaty and shit.

I’m hot.. damn was that good, there is nothing like a good ass dance song to get your bootie moving.

Now, Senator Bill Frist, damn dude is going to ruin my buzz, I am going to have a cigarette and watch more Big Brother.

I hear his speech was all old people talk, Medicare, social security.

So Adria and Cowboy were put up on the block, Karen (everyone's favorite MILF) won the power of veto and chose not to use it.

Next speaker Elisabeth Hasselbeck... the Republican's are against breast cancer.

More cover band Motown tunes, they look more fitted for a wedding than here.

New Video, Laura Bush in da hood, the Republican's are pro reading.

Next speaker, Token, from South Park... No I kid, the US secretary of education Rod Page.

Betcha he is going to talk about Brown vs. The Board of Education.

HE DOES !!! I rock at this, "guess the speech game"

Cameraman from CSPAN is trying really hard to find all the black delegates.

New speaker, Lt. Governor Michael Steel from... where.... CSPAN doesn't tell me....
Ahh... there it is Maryland, I love Maryland, Crab Cakes, Fells Point, Homicide life on the streets.

His speech, America rocks, Republicans rock… GOOD NIGHT!!!

Next musical guest, Daize (That’s how CSPAN is spelling it) Shayne, holy shit… look at that nose, I don’t know what she is singing the nose is distracting me, that thing is huge.
I wonder when she blows her nose, if she makes them Felix Unger, honking noises.
You know in Manhattan her nose is a 2 bedroom 2 bath condo.

More music from the wedding cover band, I am just going to call them "The Terribles"

DUM...DUM.. DUM.. DUM.. DUM..

AHNOLD !!!

If you don't vote republican, "I will kick your girlie ass."
Crowd Roars..

I made a movie, "True Lies" or that's what they called the Democratic convention
crowd laughs.

Scrawny boy from Austria joke, "Beisbol been berry berry good to me"

Him and Tony Montana have something in common, they both learned english from watching old television shows.

"Say 'ello to my little friend.

Ahnold breaks out into a "You know you're a Republican... "

Here are some Arnold prank phone calls
Arnold Calls a Lodge
Arnold Calls a Real Estate Office
Arnold Calls Hooters.
Arnold Calls Chicago Pizza.

Listen to more Arnold makes prank phone calls - here -

Arnold finishes with a "4 more years" chant.

I liked the prank phone calls better than his speech... sorry.

Now the Bush Twins,
Our dad is great
no he is really great
he is super great
he is super great times infinity
he is super great times infinity plus one
we are not the trashy Hilton twins, you're not going to find us in some porn tape (not yet at least)
Our dad is cool
our dad is super cool
our dad is the coolest
I went to Yale, I am the smart one.
I went to TCU, I can do jello shots off of my bellybutton.
They had a hamster too, they just let the fucker die... Democrats have icky hamster cooties.

They conclude by introducing their dad, Via satelite... GEORGE W. BUSH....
Crowd Roars..

George appears, it looks like there is a softball game in the background, he is in Middletown Pennslyvania.
The pitcher on that team can't throw for shit, he or she... has thrown 4 balls in a row.

He thanks everyone... then introduces his wife, Laura Bush, our next speaker.

She kind of summarizes everyone else's speeches.
-One America
-No child left behind.
-Working women
-Working American's
-Military men and women rock.

She's done.

Harlem Boy's Choir sings.

Show is over, day two in the books.

Bottom line, less rah. rah. more issues.

Goodnight, and as always let me know what you think.

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