Thursday, November 04, 2004

It's All Your Fault


With Bush's crushing defeat of Kerry in last night's election, you are no doubt asking yourself, as we at MoveOnPlease have all morning: did I do enough? Where can the blame be placed? We think the answer is self-evident: the fault rests with you, the MoveOnPlease reader. We're not angry. We're calm. We're just stating the facts.

You mouth-breathing freaking idiots.

Damn you! We can understand a Kerry loss in a Mississippi or a Tennessee. These are people who impregnate their freaking sisters and thank Jesus for their beef jerky dinners. But Ohio? Ngg! Damn you! You think Bush'll protect you against Osama bin Laden? Was that the reasoning? Newsflash, you morons: it's been four freaking years! He's still alive! We swear to God, you fat-assed, latte-sipping soccer moms. If Dr. freaking Phil doesn't crap it out of his fat asshole, you don't even hear it, do you? Do you?

And you, Florida! What the hell is wrong with old people? We Democrats worked our asses off getting affordable healthcare for you wrinkled old skinbags, and this is how you repay us? You know where you'd be without Democrats? Dead! That's right! And you want to know where we'll be the next time Republicans make you pay for your own freaking medicine so you can cheat death for another year? Clapping in the audience, that's where. No, better. Dancing on your graves.

And Vermont! Three electoral votes? Three? You're all freaking hippies, for God's sake! You're supposed to be spitting out babies like Pez! The staff at a Texas Walmart has a bigger headcount than you people! Delaware! Another three votes! Thanks for coming through for Kerry, guys! But, oh, gee, wait — it turns out a candidate needs 270 votes to win. Hmm, let's just add your three votes to the Kerry pile and… carry the two… wow, how about that! It adds up to jack freaking shit!

From the bottom of our hearts, America: screw you. Screw every last one of you lazy lazy bastards! You ruined this country! We worked our fingers to the bone for… can't believe… just… so angry…can't…

Screw you.

The MoveOnPlease team


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